Just Some Minor Details

The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them- words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarksto a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst I think. When the secret stays locked within not for a want of a teller but for an ear.

You know, I recently (again) figured out the girl I liked didn’t like me at all so I was going to come onto here and blog about how pointless and monotonous relationships are then I stepped outside.

It’s amazing how much weather can affect a person’s mood, is it not? It seems as though they almost have a direct relationship with one another. When the suns out everybody is outside having a good time. Whether its jogging, shootin’ hoops, or having a picnic with that special someone it seems the neighborhood has come alive again. Summer love breezes through the air along with fresh cut grass and bar-b-q. I guess my man Slug from Atmosphere puts it best http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvY38j7JdCk.

There was young Myla, about 5’ 6” in height brunette with pearl white teeth and one of the most beautiful pairs of browns eyes a man has ever seen, but yet she was alone under the moss covered weeping willow sobbing quietly to herself. You see, she had just broken up with her boyfriend on the terms of him cheating on her with one of her “best friends.” They called it a friendly connection, but she knew better. Having been through a series of broken and mismatched relationships she didn’t know if she could take it any more. Her parents both divorced when she was five and her father turned into a drunkard and beat her and blamed HER for everything. She hadn’t seen her father since she was taken by Child Protection Agency when she was seven and her mother died shortley after the divorce. “Maybe,” she thought “…maybe I’m just not meant for this life, maybe I should just give up on it all.” She looked up to see an old man sitting on a park bench maybe thirty feet from her. She looked away from it in disgust, for she thought this was a symbol to her loneliness. Then she hears a familiar voice, a voice that almost became home to her. She looked up again to see her ex walking through the park with her so-called friend, just laughing and smiling like nothing had happened to them. “How could they?!” she whispered in vain. She felt another wave of tears hit her and she shifted to hide from them on the other side of the tree. Crying, for what seemed like forever, she was abruptly stopped by a tap on her shoulder.

“Miss” said a weak voice

“Go away!” screamed the girl “I don’t need any help from strangers!”

“Young lady, I’m awfully sorry to see you like this. I once mourned the loss of a loved one too you know” said the voice now solemn and soft. 

“I don’t want a story! I get it you’re old and you think you know the answer to all of life problems, but you don’t! Nobody can understand me!”

There was silence for awhile, then Myla looked up to see that there was no one around, but a rose had been laid in front of her. “Where had that voice come from,” thought Myla. She now felt even more remorse for screaming hatred at a complete stranger who was trying to help her so again she weeped under that looming tree.

Many hours past and she now found that the sun was setting, but there was that old man, still sitting on the bench. She was curious, so she sat down next to the man to see that he had been drawing something.

“You’re an artist?” asked Myla.

“Why, yes. I took it up when I had no where to turn to. You see life is unforgiving darling and just like those beautiful brown eyes of yours, it never stops.”

She was taken aback by this comment. She had never seen this man before. He hadn’t even looked to see her, let alone in this darkness that was setting in.

“Wh…What do you mean?” she asked quietly.

“I mean darling, that life is too beautiful to handle sometimes.”

She suddenly sees a tear drop fall onto his paper. 

“Why are you crying sir?”

“I’ve had a rough life. I don’t know if you’ll understand”

Suddenly she realized the familiarity of his voice. It was the voice that tried to consult her. The one she had so stupidly screamed at. She felt a tear roll down her cheek as it all became clear to her.

“Can I ask you a question mister?”

“Fire away” he said kind of quietly trying to suffocate his sobs

“What happened to? Why are you here all by yourself drawing pictures?”

The sketch the man had been working on was of a family picnicking in the distance on top of a hill.

“Well you see dear, in my life I’ve seen troubles that shouldn’t have even happened. I had it all. A wife, a baby girl, a house, now look at me. I’m an old wash up trying to save others from making the same mistakes.  When I saw you crying over that boy over there I couldn’t help but try and consult you.”

She saw that her ex and her friend were still there and had still not noticed her, just as she looked over she saw him reach in for a kiss and proceeded on with that romantic stuff which was nothing but a living hell to Myla. She punched the bench in anger, but only caught a few splinters on her knuckles.

“Hitting something in rage is only going to hurt yourself in the end young lady,” said the old man again softly.

“I know, but I can’t stand to see that happen. Why does this all happen to me?! Why does this so called God have it out for me?!” she screamed in pain.

The old man put his arm around her and said “funny how that works isn’t it? it almost seems as though you’re destined for a life of hatred and regret. But I warn you now. DO NOT travel that path. I spent years upon years sitting in a dirty apartment wallowing in my own filth inches away from suicide everyday, but then that one reason why everything hasn’t worked out hit me….”

It was quiet for awhile, Myla half expecting some huge life lesson to come and half expecting herself to scream out of pent up emotion….She chose the second choice.

“GET ON WITH IT OLD MAN!”

“I should have been a better father to my daughter”

Sorry guys. I haven’t had time to update the past few days. I’ve just been busy having an old fashioned good time, as you can see from the title. Friday night I was with my closest friends out there doing nothing but everything. Last night I hung out with some really cool people and watched both volumes of Kill Bill and Life of Brian. Quite the combination right? 

You know what. I’m going stop there. I hate giving summaries of my life. Its like watching “Celebrity Gossip” nobody really cares haha.

Have any of you really wondered what true happiness felt like? How powerful one moment can be? I sure haven’t. To be completely honest, I just let every moment happen on its own. Why force something upon life? Making some artificial feeling is never going to give you joy to its full potential. And there lies the difference between joy and pleasure. One from within and permanent, the other from the outside and temporary. I’m sure you can distinguish the two from each other. But the real problem is, How are we supposed to be happy without looking for it? I mean life itself is a question enough for most people, but to completely rely on it to resolve on its own is pure trust in something we’ve never even figured out. Thats like giving your dog the keys to the car and trusting it to go get the groceries for you. Maybe thats the point of it all though? To just live your life to the fullest and let happiness come your way. Goodness I’m hungry…

“It’s when you cry just a little, but you laugh in the middle that you’ve made it.” ~Jason Mraz

Busy day today:D something loving is soon to go down throughout the halls of Western High School. Anybody else make a bracket? so far I haven’t missed one yet! but I have much to do this afternoon… sorry for the small blog post, but here are some personal poems I’ve written!

…or my computer can claim that it didn’t save any of my documents?! Mood: Sorely Disappointed.

Instead I’ll just leave you with a few of my favorite paradoxes! (super nerd haha)

If destiny designed a master plan which defines everything that is to happen, isn’t it useless, for example, to go to a doctor? If I am ill and it is my destiny to regain health, then I will regain health whether I visit a doctor or not. If it is my destiny to not regain my health, then seeing a doctor can’t help me. How could you question the presented opinion?

Can a man drown in the fountain of eternal life?

and finally, A girl goes into the past and kills her Grandmother. Since her Grandmother is dead, the girl was never born. If she were never born, she never killed her grandmother.

If the temperature this morning is 0 degrees and the Weather Channel says, “it will be twice as cold tomorrow”, what will the temperature be?

Answer truthfully (yes or no) to the following question: Will the next word you say be ‘no’?

What happens if you are in a car going the speed of light and you turn the headlights on?

okay so maybe that was a few different finales…oh well. I may post again if I get everything done, but I can’t promise anything.

disneygirl asked: When did you decide that you wanted to major in Public Relations? Forget Royal Caribbean, we can both work for the Disney Cruise line. :P

Well I think it was around my second or third cruise when I got to be “assistant” cruise director. really all I did was announce some things for him and follow him around all day, but it really inspired me to go into the cruising industry:) I would really love that and I’ve been on 2 different Disney cruises, but sadly you have to work at a Disney park or work at a Disney hotel for I think it’s 2 or 3 years? But I really would consider Disney Cruises as one of the nicest Cruise Lines…well apart from Royal Carib. also a lot of thanks goes out to Jordan Foor for kind of encouraging me to try it out. I take no credit in the decision being completely enforced by my own decisions:P

“In the forest, there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. Every day, the straight tree would say to the crooked tree, “Look at me…I’m tall, and I’m straight, and I’m handsome. Look at you…you’re all crooked and bent over. No one wants to look at you.” And they grew up in that forest together. And then one day the loggers came, and they saw the crooked tree and the straight tree, and they said, “Just cut the straight trees and leave the rest.” So the loggers turned all the straight trees into lumber and toothpicks and paper. And the crooked tree is still there, growing stronger and stranger every day.” 

And it is with that quote by the great Tom Waits that I begin today’s rant.

Independence. It’s a big word right? The pure simplicity of being at one’s own will at any time, any place its astonishing to me, but yet its become so common in our society. Just think, centuries ago we were all connected through our family and nothing but. Heck, you could go your whole life without owning a home and nobody would judge you or even  think less of you. Now if you don’t move out after college there must be something wrong with you? Now I’m not saying that I want to live at home with my parents and not make anything of my life, but who are we to judge whose that do? That could just be their own version of independence or freeing…for lack of a better word. I hear buzzing…

:)<—that right there is an instant mood change. You know when you’re in that mood where you really don’t care much, then that special someone texts or calls you? yeah that just happened. Funny how young love does that to ya’. And there is really no way to describe it all. Its just that feeling. That feeling you get when she laughs at one of your cheesy jokes. Or when you’re slow dancing together at a bonfire with nobody but you, her, and the lightening bugs around, and the only words that are spoken are the soft spoken ones whispered into her ear “You’re Beautiful.” Or even just the thought of her makes you smile, makes you want to get out and scream just because. I don’t regret a single one of my past relationships and neither should you. Just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean he or she wasn’t worth the time. I don’t know I may not fully understand it all yet and I bet no one really does, but I like to think of it as happiness in its purest form. So I say to all you loving couples out there, don’t dim the flame for outside cause, but make it burn brighter because others envy it.

 ”Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident”

MY SCHOOL BURNT DOWN TODAY!!!! …I kid, I kid….but really there was a fire during play practice. The drier in the maintenance room just across the hall from the choir room somehow sparked and caught on fire. Luckily nobody was injured or burned, but we were forced to evacuate the school then confined to the gym lobby where we finished play practice. Then I realized I was locked out of my truck, so as I was waiting on the spare key I went upstairs to get my Huckleberry Finn book then proceeded to fall down the stairs -_-

That basically sums up my day, nothing special right? Yeah that just goes to show you. I’m just your average, everyday Spiderman.

Lets learn about the life and ambitions of the Omnipitous Josiahus. I was born, like you all, a poor black boy. Actually, I was adopted by the name of Austin Michael Orlando. Birth parents names are Nikki and Mike, both short for some long Italian name. I was then adopted by Ron Brown and Angie Scales, having them divorce at my age of 10 or 11. Then my father got remarried to Leigha Hedrick at my age of 12 or 13, mother got married around then to Scott Scales. Then my father got divorced again at my age of 14 or 15. FAMILY DYNAMICS, I swear they’ll get the best of you if you can’t keep your head. My dad is suffering from a disorder called choroideremia which is basically the slow degeneration of one’s sight through dying cells, carried by females only affecting males. He is almost fully blind as of now and couldn’t be more scared. Sadly, he is single so I am the only shoulder he has to lean on. I’m there for him every chance I can get and I love the living snot out of him. But less about him and more about me right? haha. I am seriously one of the least conceited persons I know. I’ve lived my whole life for the betterment of others. If you aren’t happy then I won’t rest till your figgin’ skippy! I’ve planned out my life to go to college wherever I can get in and get a degree in Public Relations. Then work on Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines as part of the Entertainment Staff then work my way up to cruise director, all-the-while piecing together a nice place out in Tuscany, Italy. Maybe starting up an ice-cream shop on the waters of Venice or Amalfi if so decided.

Thats the most watered down I can get my life to be. I’m spontaneous, lovable, talkative, funny, and reliable. You give me meaning to my existence and I ask nothing more than that!

I haven’t really decided on what to blog on really, so I decided that I’ll blog whatever fits my mood. Whether it be some important life lesson, a depressing poem, or just what happened today. I really hope whoever is reading this to stick with me through the time. I’m going to get good at this, I swear it.

“Smile, cause this one’s for you darling” 

I’ve recently come to the realization that life is a series of connections and departures. I, myself, having to transfer schools in the middle of my high school career. My Father going through two different failed marriages. Soon to lose all the seniors from my school with whom I’ve just become acquainted with here recently (Sunny, Mallory, Shelby, so many others…). But with all those losses, there lies plenty of “scrap wood” around to build brand new connections with. Heck, I’ve already met the acquittance of so many different and lovable characters that I’m not even protesting the change. Its all kind of become a soundtrack to my life to say… cliche enough. Do not get me wrong, I love the living life out of every single one of my friends! But change was inevitable and still is, that’s not something you can stop. Life creeps up on you like that. One moment you’ll be with old friends eating steak and shake and in the next you’ll be watching the sunset with completely new amigos. I guess I’m rambling…oh well. 

Okay so I’ve got to get this off my chest. Why is it that love has become so iconic that its turned almost the whole world against it? and also why does love solely have to be for marriage? I love life. I love sunsets. I love nature. I love my family. I love my brosifs and my brosisbros. I love the ocean. I love the world. I love…love! The thought of “no such thing as true love” really pushes me to the brink of screaming! You were put here on this big blue earth by whatever God you so posses to enjoy love, to enjoy life! I see you people as the most selfish of all. I used to be on of you; sitting around, eating, maybe hanging around friends, but never really understanding what I had. Hell, my old psychiatrist told me I was clinically depressed, but look at me now! Couldn’t love myself anymore. I guess that branches out to peace…even Walt Disney strove for it (EPCOT= Experimental Prototype Community Of Tomorrow), but I’ll rant about that some other day.

The saying “Burning Briges” alone is pretty depressing…am I right? I mean to picture a bridge between two humanities is just cruel. But “Building Bridges” is the mirror to that, the polar opposite, the love to hate ratio! I guess I’m just stressing the need for love in one’s life no matter what the change, obstacle, or “diagnosis” may be. 

“There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:

This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me… or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don’t fit your idea of who I should be and don’t try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.

When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.”

~Stacy Charter